Missing Someone

I know that kind of strange to miss 'this person'. I know that kind of forbidden to miss him. But, I just can't handle it. I miss him, a lot. He already have a girlfriend that he has been dated for 4 years. Kind a bit crazy to interupted their relationship. I feel guity, so guilty. But, he started it from the beginning. I don't know why he can't keep his feeling for his girlfriend. I know, that his girlfriend is far away from him. He is in Jakarta, and her, in Medan.
I do realize that I feel so lonely, so sad after my boyfriend dumped me. I feel so terrible. From the beginning I know him, I just feel so comfortable, because he started to make me laugh over and over again. I started to moved on from my old story, and begin a new heart. But not him. I know, not him. I just...I know he likes me, but I do know that he already have a girlfriend, so I kept the distance safely. But I don't know, maybe this is my mistake too. I forgot about all the ethics and became egoistic about what I true feel inside. I am alone, and I need someone to love. And then I got it from him. I feel so terrible, when the things happened between us.
So I stuck. I trapped. This relationship has no future. I know he will not left the girl that he has been love for 4 years. But why I like it. I ain't heavy with this relationship. He and his own life, and me with my life. We just...taking care of each other.
I remember, the first time. The first time, I watch movie with him. That was the first time , he and me , spent time together. For almost 3 months, he has been trying asking me out. But I always say no. And , after 3 months, I thought that he will know the boundary between me and him. I kept him as my big brother, so did he. We watch 'Step Up 3'. The movie was cool, and so my day. It was awesome to spent my night with him. I can't stop smiling, because he made me .
So in spontaneous way, when he drop me in front of the gate, he pull me and kiss me three times, but not in lips. And I'm shock. My heart went 'badabim badabom, I have been kissed by someones belonging'
Okay okay. 'Are u crazy???!!!' Only that sentence that out from my mouth. Oh My God!!
After that day, he always kiss me...in lips. And me, just let that happened. I'm in love.

So here I am now. I miss him.
But, someday, I have to let him go, I prepare for that.
Lover life, DixiE